Get help to handle the strict and controlling thoughts in meditation.
In meditation, the starting point is that we let in everything that moves in body and mind during meditation. Both the good, the painful and the challenging. A major challenge for all of us is the type of thoughts we call "metathoughts".
What is challenging about these thoughts is that we perceive them as truths and therefore try to adapt the meditation so that we satisfy the "metathought".
In meditation, a number of different thoughts always appear. Thoughts about adjusting the way we practice in order to make it more open are part of these. If we are to relate to repeating the sound freely, we must be able to listen to these thoughts and make minor adjustments. But some such thoughts are less constructive to follow. This is often the case when what the inner voice says has a strong emotional undertone, such as "pull yourself together". In this lies an attitude that what you are doing now is not good enough, is very poor or not acceptable.
When that exclusion is allowed to govern the meditation, the meditation may be experienced as unsatisfactory.
When metathoughts were discussed in a guidance group, a participant who had meditated for about six months shared his experiences from meditation.
He sat with closed eyes. Began repeating his meditation sound. Thoughts came that there was a little too much energy in the way he repeated the sound. He saw whether he could lighten the repetition a little. Time disappeared a little. Then he noticed that he had been a little away in various thoughts and got his focus back toward the sound. "Have I repeated the sound a little too slackly since I was so far away?" he asks himself. But how little energy can he really put into the repetition of the sound? If there is too little effort, the sound disappears! And perhaps that is okay, but at the same time there is an inner voice saying that "I am not doing my job when I am not sure that I am actually repeating the sound"? And then he disappears into other spontaneous thoughts again, or perhaps drowsiness and sleep.
Another passage in the meditation was about the need to move. After sitting for a while he noticed that his neck was becoming stiff. His head fell forward and he stretched his neck a little. But is that okay? Should he not remain sitting with his head upright and repeat the sound as well as he can while sensing the impulse to stretch his neck? But now it had happened. He focuses on the sound - perhaps to get away from the inner dilemma - but makes sure not to push too hard when repeating the sound. Is it open now? He argues back and forth and then disappears into other spontaneous thoughts again.
Later in the meditation he would often become very restless. He has a need to check the time. The impulse to stop pulls at him. He "clings" to the sound, but the restlessness does not let go. The inner dialogue becomes similar to the beginning of the meditation. Openness becomes difficult.
In the first months there were many such challenges in meditation. There were many thoughts that he did not manage to be open and did not get deep enough. He was constantly critical of how he repeated the sound. It was both tiring and challenging, but he continued with his daily meditations.
This critical way of thinking is very common during meditation, and now and then we may also recognize the self-critical voice elsewhere in life. In meditation we call this type of thought metathoughts.
After some months of meditation he began to recognize this inner argumentation and the tendency to control in meditation. He could recognize that "now the critic is coming" and could let the critical thoughts be there without following them up by making changes. Gradually the critical thoughts were allowed to pass more like other thoughts. He noticed that this affected the meditation by making it more effortless to meditate. It could feel good to let the striving be. He also noticed that he had a different relationship to "metathoughts" outside meditation. Some friends commented that he had changed in a positive way. He also noticed that he found it easier to move on with tasks at work where earlier he would dig himself down and get stuck when the critical attitude appeared.
This story shows a gradual development of a changed relationship to metathoughts, in that meditation created a shift of perspective. From letting the "pull yourself together" attitude that often appears govern the meditation, to being more open and wondering, and seeing possibilities where friction arises.
We may not immediately notice the concentration that accompanies the metathoughts, but may feel a dissatisfaction, unease or frustration, and often it may be something we want to get away from (more or less consciously). The metathought may play on the same team as the side of you that wants to meditate completely correctly - it is part of the same thing, a critical inner striving that cannot accept what is good enough, if not excellent.
As the meditator above experienced, it is often through guidance, conversation and being in the meditative process over time that we can most easily explore how we can correct the influence of the metathought on us.
Why do we have metathoughts?
We have seen that when we meditate we open the mind and create a freer space. This involves a change. From the mind's "everyday" state to the mind's "meditation state". Any change may be said to create a certain uncertainty in our psyche; we know what we "have", but not what is "coming".
If we imagine that the repetition of an open meditation sound represents a form of inner force in us, we can imagine that when this force is let in, an inner counterforce also appears that wants "status quo" in the mind; it pulls you toward less openness. Seen in this way, it can be easier to explain that open meditation practice over time will also invite the counterforces to what in us wants openness. In this sense, the metathoughts are also invited into meditation, but the challenge is to recognize them for what they are and let them pass like any other thought, without the limiting attitude of the metathought influencing the way we practice.
Are metathoughts something you want to work with?
Guidance, individually or in a group, during long meditation or retreat, gives you the opportunity to become more aware of your metathoughts and to discuss them with other meditators.
Petter Halvorsen